As Lutherans, most of us have heard the story of how Martin Luther went from studying to be a lawyer to studying Theology instead. You know the one about the big thunderstorm he's caught out in and if God lets him live through it, he swears he'll become a Priest. He lives and he does as promised (of course had he known what God had in mind for him in terms of the storm he brought into a corrupt and sinful church he may have thought otherwise)
I've never gone so far as to promise Preisthood, but I've visited the bargaining table that my self-centered prayers sometimes become and sat across from God and tried to make him see it my way.
I'm reminded of these times whenever I read Acts chapter 9 with the conversion of Saul. Saul is struck blind by God during his mission to seek and destroy all Christianity and he winds up in Damascus. God then turns to one of his instruments, one Ananias...and the negotiation begins:
Verse 10: In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!"
"Yes, Lord," he answered.
Do you ever get the feeling that as Ananias lips say "Yes, Lord" his heart is saying "Now What?" I always picture this as poor old Ananias drew the unlucky straw and was the disciple on duty that night and instead of it just being a routine quiet night, he's going to be busy.
Verses 11-12 The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight."
OK, the Lord lays out the assignment. Find this Saul of Tarsus, lay your hands on him and his sight will be restored. Simple. Except that Saul is out to destroy what Ananias holds dear. Saul has to come to arrest, if not put Ananias to death and now that he has been struck blind, this enemy of Ananias' and God's church is no longer a threat...how bout leaving him that way! What is God thinking? He clearly needs to see it Ananias' way. Let the negotiation begin!
Verses 13-14: "Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name."
It always amazes me how I can sing hymns and study the Word and talk and talk and talk and even blog about How Great Thou Art, my creator, my redeemer, but in a flash, I can become so self-centered I think I need to clarify for you just what is going on in YOUR WORLD. Ananias is so me at this moment that I'm shocked that Acts 9: 13-14 wasn't my Confirmation verse! There I am at the table in my prayers saying "You see God, it's like this..." and after explaining it all I often leave out "...if it be your will, take this cup from me" ala Jesus in the garden. I'm so self-centered Lord, please forgive me.
Verses 15-16 But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
I kinda like how God concludes the negotiations. "Go!" I said "Go!" Ananias "Go!" Reminds me of my Marine Corps days..."Private...Go!"
I always get locked into Ananias when I read that story cause he is so much like me. In the end though, if I really think about it, I'm also so much like Saul. Saul was blind before he ever got to the road to Damascus. He was blind to the truth of God's word. He was blind to just who this Jesus was. He was blind to God's will for his life. That's me everytime I go to God in my self-centered negotiating way. God struck Saul blind on the road to Damascus to let him know HE WAS ALREADY BLIND. He gives me those gentle nudges now and then too.
The nice part about it all...is in the end, in every negotiation where I don't get my way and I do God's will...I win!
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