Increasing Male Church Attendance

It's Friday Wit & Poetry day I know, so this is not going to be an extension of Thursday's male ministry theme, you will hopefully find it humorous.

Idea #1: Work with Lazyboy on a new reclining pew

So as we complete the sermon hymn and sit back down, the organist would push a button and all the pews would gradually recline so the congregation could sit back and enjoy the sermon. Yes, it would require more space or fewer pews to work but that would just make the church look "fuller"! The problem really isn't the space or the expense but the obvious problem that the usual 5% that nod off during the sermon would likely increase to 50%. Maybe if they put the coffee out BEFORE the service and we added cupholders to the pews--no, we'd have to insert a potty break into the service. OK, reject idea #1

Idea #2: The new Bass Pro Sanctuary!

Many of the old cavernous sanctuaries would be perfect for conversion to an environment like a big Bass Pro shop store where you'd could have an indoor service in an outdoor world. Men could drop a line in the pond while they worshipped, the new baptismal waterfall behind the altar is both functional and a beautiful backdrop and the gun range underneath where hunters could sight-in their weapons after church and with a processing station so they could bring their morning's prize in and while it was being turned into sausage they could go to worship. This one has potential! Oh wait, pastor may not like having to preach on certain topics knowing the congregation is full of armed hunters--and I don't think he's too thrilled with the new orange camo pastoral robes either. Scratch the Bass Pro Sanctuary.

Idea #3: Garage Church

You've heard of the drive-in churches where the congregation never leaves their cars, but I don't like that idea so my thought would be to erect one of those inexpensive steel buildings and instead of pews, put in lift-jacks and furnish it with everything a hi-tech autoshop needs. Then, equip it with a great soundsystem and have your service. You can drive right into the sanctuary if your car needs work and then the men who have the skills and like to tinker can work on your car while you sit on a lawn chair and enjoy the worship. They are there and part of the worship while at the same time doing some service work and stewardship to the congregation. It's a win-win! Ok, some tools get to be a little noisy and liability over who did what to Mrs. Johnson's Cadillac would probably bring that to an end. Back to the drawing board

I'll share when I've developed more ideas, in the meantime GUYS, get to church this weekend!

God Bless You